day 243 - it does get better

it's hard to believe my fantastic 4 have been in my home for 8 months. sometimes it seems like we've had them for years and other times it feels like they just arrived. we've walked through some crazy stuff but i'm thankful to say we have come out the other side of a lot of it. this blog has been very therapeutic for me as i look back on our journey and see what God has held our hand through. and that is the beauty of our story. God really has walked us through some serious battles. he has claimed the victory every time. sometimes those battles take hours, others days, and some even weeks. i'm sure there are some battles we will be fighting for years. but nonetheless, God will reign victorious.

for many months our battles where very physical. there have been days not so far in our past were our house was a dangerous place to be. but Christ has delivered us through that danger. at times i questioned whether all 4 of my boys could actually live together and thrive in their future. so thankful God had a plan and he guided (and still guides) us each day. through past posts you know that i've wanted to give up several times. once again God moved my heart and reminded me to keep my eyes on him. and we continue to walk through it day after day.

battles are still fought every day some are small and some rock our world. but it has gotten so much better. i know without a doubt our family will not only survive but we will thrive together.

day 153 - transparency

trans·par·ent - [adjective] open; frank; candid

this word lays heavy on my heart. it's so much easier to write about the amazing things and share all the goodness with you. but i feel that defeats the purpose of this blog. i want to be a resource for others who are looking to adopt or foster whether internationally or domestically. and in order to be a good resource i need to be as transparent as possible. my prayer is that my journey will be an encouragement to you as you walk your own journey.

the past 2 months have been the hardest months of my entire life and i've walked through some pretty crazy stuff before. i cried more, fought harder, pleaded more, and fell on my knees before my heavenly Father more times than i can count. i knew that we would go through some major transition throughout the summer seeing as the boys and i would be home together ALL day long EVERY day but i never would have expected everything that happened. let's just say that almost every day was...a nightmare. please don't let that scare you. this is hard and dangerous stuff. i learned early on in the summer that i was walking in enemy territory when it came to my kids. the devil had a grip on them like i've never seen. there were days that i felt like i was literally fighting satan fist for fist. some days seemed unbearable. there was more anger raging through my house than i new how to fight. the negativity that flew from my children's lips broke my heart every day. there were nights were brian and i sat outside there door begging God to invade our house and our boy's hearts. there were mornings when we woke up saying "i don't want to get out of bed today." it's hard when you have to hold your child so tight so they will not hurt themselves or someone else. it's heart breaking to hear ugly words come out of your toddlers mouth as he storms off to his room hitting everything in his path. i ache when my boys can't be left alone for more than 10 seconds for fear what might happen. it's exhausting. and that's why i need a Savior. if i could do this on my own then i wouldn't need God but i love that our story can't be told with out having God in every sentence.

i was met everyday with what seemed impossible and everyday God made it possible. by his mercy and grace brian and i were able to end everyday thanking God for our family. He met us everyday where we were and walked with us. i started the summer thinking i was doing all of this for my kids. but over the course of the summer God taught me that i am not loving and raising my kids to help them (that is just an added benefit) but out of reverence for God. He has put me in a place that is dangerous, chaotic, ugly, at times unlovely, and what the world would call "unthinkable" but we are here by God's design.

thankfully with school everyone is separated and there is a little more peace in our house. my note to self for next summer is have lots of things planned and give everyone there own "thing" to do throughout the summer. too much time together is NOT a good thing. but we did have some incredible highs over the summer. the best thing being I, J, and Z all asked Christ into their heart. we are now working on teaching them to call on Jesus when satan comes knocking on their doors. the summer was not a loss. it was a learning experience. another hurdle that satan thought he could put in our path to get us to change our minds. he does that. he will tell you that you aren't supposed to do this, this is to hard, the kids would be better off somewhere else, or even that you don't want to do this. THEY ARE LIES!!! God would not have asked you to walk into something so difficult and so of Him to leave you in your time of need. that is not the God we serve. we have authority over satan and the only way he can touch us is if we give him room to move in. DON'T!!!! stay strong. ask for help. let people help you. surrender it all to the Lord!

 

day 149 - first day of school

i've just dropped off my 6th grader, 5th grader, and 3rd grader at the first day of school. it was more exciting than anything else. everyone had their box of school supplies, backpacks, and lunchboxes. of course the 6th grader quickly sped off to his class so dad or i didn't have to walk him their. he was nervous about remembering his locker combination. our 5th grader didn't want anyone to embarrass him.

i walked our 3rd grader into his room. we chose a desk that was clustered with other friends. being the mom i made sure to get all his desk buddies names and introduced them to my kid. then i walked with Z to find a cubbie for his backpack and lunchbox. his classroom has an underwater theme that i thought was so creative. Z then gave me this look that said "mom, you're embarrassing me so can you please leave?" i took my cue and left. i met brian and little K and we walked proudly out of the school leaving our 3 older kids there to find their adventures for the day. it's our first day of school and i still have butterflies in my tummy.

day 136 - transition

one thing i have found about adoptive children is that they struggle deeply with transition. they hate it when plans change last minute or if plans spontaneously appear. i know in general kids struggle with this but adoptive kids extremely struggle with this. unfortunately i have learned this the hard way with our summer. i spent most of the summer "playing it by ear" and it didn't serve me well. now, we did make it through the summer but it wasn't without its fits and battles. i'm thankful that it is almost over. but i'm not a person who likes structure. i never get up at the same time or eat at the same time every day. i've spent most of my life trying NOT to get stuck into a routine but with 4 kids i'm finding that i will drown without one. i'm not saying every minute has to be planned but some structure is really good. i would probably loose about 50% of my questions throughout the day if i just had a list up of everything that was going on or needed to be done that day ahead of time. even something as simple as creating a weekly menu for the kids to see.

my kids don't understand when plans change. they hear one thing and anything after that doesn't matter. for example: if i said we have 1 hour to play at mcdonald's but you have to not scream, hit, or get in the way of other children. you must also listen and obey immediately or we will have to leave. well 10 min later all hell breaks loose and i'm telling my kids we got to go and they start pouting and throwing fits. in my mind i don't understand why they can be upset. but in their mind they heard we were going to be there for 1 hour and they think i lied to them.

transition is tough. and honestly it is starting to rub off on me too. i've got to go work on my calendar so i can put on our board what is coming tomorrow.

day 131 - the reason

today was the day that God reminded me why we have chosen to live a dangerously surrendered life. the reason we are called to go and make disciples. today i got to watch my amazing husband, the new father of the fantastic 4 and godly man baptize my 3 oldest boys. the boys had all asked Jesus in the hearts weeks before and were ready to make that public. they were so excited about being baptized and the celebration that surrounded it. we invited everyone we knew to come and watch, rejoice, and praise God for the work he continues to do.

it was a celebration i will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life. family came from all over to witness this public declare that our boys fight for the Living Savior! friends yelled and cheered as each boy came out of the water. i cried tears of joy watching my boys and knowing their lives were surrendered to the King of Kings. no matter what evil comes knocking at my door, our door, or their door we can call on Jesus and he will rescue. this is why we are doing this. God chose to rescue our fantastic 4 out of the dust and make them into warriors for himself. and he asked brian and i to be a part of it. why would we ever want to miss out on something like that? this is so much bigger than us. i'm so thankful that God goes to the extreme to save his children.

as the service concluded the song i sing over my boys every night began to play:

you make beautiful things
you make beautiful things out of the dust
you make beautiful things
you make beautiful things out of us

you make me new
you are making me new

day 120 - victories

over the past 2 weeks i have started several posts but end up deleting them because i couldn't think of anything positive to say. so i just decided to say nothing. but i know God has called us to community and i wouldn't be where i am right now without it. these past few weeks have been extremely rough. we have been at war with the enemy in every real sense of the word. yes, we have 4 kids in our house. but we are learning that we have 4 kids and then we have 4 traumatized kids on top of that. each one is so different and has to be handled in such a unique way. there is no formula, book, or plan on how to make any of this work. even the best therapists don't always have the answers. but i am more grateful right now that ever before that we can call on our Father who is MIGHTY TO SAVE! God's hands have been at work. at times it can seem like he isn't answering the prayer i am praying but he is answering it in a different way that is even more powerful that i could have ever imagined. i know many of you have been praying for my family these past few weeks. many of you have even shared with me that God has laid our family on your hearts. that is no accident. the past few days i have felt like Moses when he could no longer keep his arms up to win the battle and his friends had to stand on both sides of him to keep his arms up so the battle would be won. this is what community is about! don't miss it! it's as important as the air we breathe. God works through community.

God's timing is incredible. i still stand in awe at how God continues to build are community for such a time as this. i love that in those really hard battles i can send a text message to dozens of friends and know people are praying us through the battles. this past week one of my sweet friends sent me a message and told me to listen to a song called "invade" by watermark. let's just say i downloaded the song immediately and it has been on repeat in my house for the past 3 days! i tried to find it on youtube but couldn't so i'm just going to share with you the lyrics. pray this over your own house and please pray it over mine. God claimed the victory in my house today! and i know he will claim it again tomorrow!

Come, come in
Invade all You see of us
Any man, who'd walk Your road is welcomed here
And You're the only one

Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
Tread this place and turn it inside out
With Your mercy...
Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
Until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
And let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms
Jesus invade...

Reach, reach in
With the hand that heals all our suffering
Conquer all that is not of You
Bring Your spirit through
As we fill these walls with Your praise

I call for angels
I call for mercy
I call for freedom
In the name of Jesus
In the name of Jesus

day 105 - not a band-aid

i stand in amazement every day that this is the journey God has called us on. i have seen the works of the devil and the works of my Almighty Merciful Savior each and every day. i'm experiencing his new mercies and grace every morning. i'm learning that i cannot get through a day without putting on the armor of God. i'm learning to persevere for the long-haul.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

there is nothing easy or grand about the road we are walking. honestly, some days i just want to stay in bed. the negativity around my house is often more than i can bare. some days i see great progress and the next day we are back to square one. some moments can be so sweet and then quickly turn to nightmares.

after a really rough past few days i was reminded by a friend yesterday that we are not in this to be just a band-aid on these boy's lives. i don't want immediate progress if it means suffering later. i want to run the race that is before me with joy and perseverance. i want God to change the hearts of my children not just their attitudes or words. and i have to remind myself, it's only been a few months. a few months compared to the rest of their lives is nothing.

i want to be like caleb in the Bible and ask God for my mountain. i want to have the courage he had to persevere and bring glory to the Lord most high. i don't want to be someone who "lacks anything". my prayer is turning into "Lord, give me more of this if it means more of You!"

day 28 - a word from God

i love tuesday mornings, especially this tuesday morning. i finally got to go back to women's bible study at my awesome church. so with a toddler in hand we made our way to his classroom where he went in like a champ and i headed down the hall to bible study. and just like every other time i have been to the women's bible study God totally meets me right where i'm at. he uses whoever is speaking to speak directly to my heart. today a sweet friend of mine taught on "the wonder of our wounds". what a topic for this moment in my life when i feel so surrounded by brokenness. in the past week or so i have found myself questioning how their could be so much brokenness in anyone or how God could allow such wounds. why did he let it happen? and all the other whys. i want to get so defense. you see my family is struck by some wounds that are soul deep. the kind of wounds that strike us to our core and can alter who we are. the kind of wounds no one wants to share or talk about. the kind of wounds that would make you turn your head. but as my friend so eloquently put it this morning...the kind of wounds that God sees with awe and beauty.

God knows are pain and brokenness. it doesn't catch him by surprise or ruin his plans. one of my favorite verses these days is:

"But this happened so that the work God might be displayed in his life" John 9:3

God is using our very wounds to bring about his purpose for us. we live in a broken world and bad things happen. bad choices are made and we have to seek God for healing. i'm a firm believer that we serve a God who LOVES to heal! all throughout Christ's ministry he healed people. it was one of his favorite things to do. why should i not believe he can do the same for me and my family?

i love the phrase my friend shared this morning "your wounds attract God's glory"! God restores our soul. He can heal those deep dark wounds that have altered who we are. He can heal us and make us new.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

your rod and your staff they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Psalm 23

strength in the moment

we have had many sweet moments with the boys since they have been home. they have adjusted far better that i ever could have hoped. i feel so blessed to be on this journey. but the road is not easy. just like any adventure God calls us on there are challenges that we face. moments that God puts in our path to give us an opportunity to call on him. opportunities for us to live out our faith in front of those around us and in front of ourselves. those moments when everything we have known seems mean nothings BUT God! he prevails. he is there. he strengthens. he gives grace. he moves.

"even when the way goes through death valley, i'm not afraid when you walk at my side. your trusty shepherd's crook makes me feel secure"

pslam 23:4

"I, your God, have a firm grip on you and i'm not letting go. i'm telling you 'don't panic. i'm right here to help you.'"

isaiah 41:13

introducing the bailey bunch

the bailey bunch is finally all under one roof. there are 4 extra hearts to love, mouths to feed, bodies to hug, goodnights to say, and hands to hold. i LOVE it! we are all adjusting but i can't imagine my life any different at this moment. besides trying to stay on top of the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, homework, and a toddler who is already climbing out of his crib; i am fully enjoying the sweet prayers that are said around the dinner table, hearing them ask who is in their new family, listening to them tell me about their first day of school and the friends they met, and tucking them in each night.

J is my oldest in 5th grade. he is smart, kind, gentle, handsome, huge smile, eager to learn, has a desire to know the Lord, and growing into a young man. he loves to read, skateboard, hang out with friends, play football, and play chess with his brothers. he also enjoys his favorite snack beef jerky and is a little shy towards new foods. we are already seeing God begin to tug on his heart as he asks questions and seeks to know more about the Word of God.

T is our 4th grader. he is our passionate child falling at either one end of the spectrum or the other. there is no middle ground. he is also very smart, can be shy, very protective, also handsome, extremely funny, and can steal your heart in an instant he is enjoys basketball, the wii, beating everyone at any game we play, reading wimpy kids, riding his bike, playing outside with his brothers, and sleeping. his favorite snack is also beef jerky but this dude eats everything you put in front of him. he likes all the healthy stuff along with the sugar. he always makes me feel great about my cooking. i even cooked an african dish for them the other night and he couldn't get enough of it. he also already has a spot in his heart for his new grandparents. i can't wait to dig into his little heart some more and find who God has created him to be and help T build on his passions. i know God has an incredible plan for his future.

D is our 2nd grader and will be your instant best friend. he is goofy, fun-loving, easy going, always says "please" and "thank you", would vacuum the entire house if i let him, enjoys riding his scooter and bike, playing outside with his brothers, and playing every board game in the house. he loves his chili fritos but he is also an excellent eater. D, like T, would eat us out of house and home if we let them. he also loves to read and we are enjoying reading aloud together. he has already made several friends at school and even got to go on a field trip on his first day. he has a huge heart and wants to encourage. God is opening his eyes to new things every day and we are anxious to pour into D and help him to know the Lord in his own way.

our little I is going to be our little heart breaker. he is 2 and that is 2 with all sense of being 2. he started climbing out of his crib on his 3rd night home. and he is also pulling off his diaper. oh boy, so not ready for all that right now. little I loves to play hard, play with his older brothers, sing at the top of his lungs, find anything that makes noise, drink apple juice, eat yogurt, put everything in his mouth, and he is already becoming jackson's best friend. i am loving having him home all day while the older 3 are in school. i'm praying that God will use me as a vessel to teach little I and that God will mold him into a little warrior.

this is my new family. i love going to sleep at nigh knowing my family is safe and sound. i love waking up in the morning hearing them already up and playing in their rooms. i the big bear hugs that come before bedtime. i love being a mom. and this is the new and improved bailey bunch...at least in words.

why i blog

there are many reasons to blog. some blog to let off steam. others blog to have some communication with the outside world. some blog to have a record of their current life. some blog to be resources. well i blog for all those reasons. blogging is like journaling to me. it allows me to pour out all that stuff that is just sitting in my head or heart. because i don't have a job and my office is my home blogging allows me to have that connection to the outside world. and i love the thought that i get to have a record of this entire journey God has brought us on. but the biggest reason that i blog is i want to be a resource.

the blogger world has been invaluable to me throughout this adoption process. you will see several links on the side of our blog of other adoption blogs that have given us so much hope and encouragement. i love that there are so many people out there sharing their journey. you can almost always find someone who has been through or is going through exactly what you are. that is huge! however, most of the blogs we follow are international adoption and a few domestic adoption.

when we began the foster/adoption process we found it a little more difficult to find resources on that process. a lot of it is because you have to be so careful about what you say as a foster parent. well i'm learning that you can still keep a lot of things private while still being a resources. so i am praying that God will use my blog to be a resource for others that are thinking about or are going through the foster/adoption process. it's a very different world with a lot of different struggles and emotions. we all need to lean on each other. it's all about asking for help! you need a community to walk through this.

i'm here to answer whatever questions i can and provide any insight to what God is walking us through. even though we have been walking this road for over a year and half our journey is just beginning. there is so much more to come!

another weekend come and gone

we had another weekend with the fantastic 4 and we had a blast! we hated to see them go but so excited they will be back soon. we just had a really low key weekend, nothing special. we wanted to see what a "typical" weekend might look for us in the future. that even meant that i had the kids all by myself on saturday while brian was in class. i took the kids to the park, ate lunch, had some rest time and played a few games. these kids are board game playing fanatics. friday night we stayed up and played a 2.5 hour game of life. it was crazy but we had so much fun. i can't wait to implement a game night every week in our house. the kids also played a lot of uno and chess. for the most part they play nice with each other until they start to gang up on each other then the fun is over with. but they did so well that i was even able to take a nap on saturday!!! woohoo!

the only not fun part about the weekend is the littlest one got sick on sunday and just wanted to cling to brian all day. it was so sweet but he that child looked so miserable. i think it is just a cold but nonetheless it was uncomfortable for him.

but now we are one weekend closer to bringing these fantastic 4 home for good. i'm still getting things ready. some amazing friends are throwing me a shower this weekend to welcome in the new additions to our family. so after that i will really get moving on getting everything set up for the big move. the kids even picked their colours this weekend so i can start getting those essentials in their colours. i'm excited for that fun project! i'm also working on framing some great bible versus to hang around our house for the boys to read every day. i think it will be good for them to have that truth around them at all times. so....until the next weekend visit!

about us

i know there have been several new people who have started reading this blog and a few have asked how this all began. you are welcome to go back to the beginning and read through our story. it's pretty crazy all the places God has taken us. but in case you don't have that much time i will give you a snippet...

brian and i met during the summer of 2005 while working at a camp. we worked with inner city kids and fell in love with each other falling in love with the kids we worked with. we got married a few months later knowing that God had put adoption on our hearts for the future. during the summer of 2008 brian and i both felt God tugging on our hearts that it was time to pursue adoption. although we thought we would have our biological children first (they will just have to come later) God had a different plan. we began pursuing international adoption through an amazing adoption agency bethany christian services (we highly recommend!). they walked us through some paperwork and talked with us a lot. that is when we began leaning towards domestic adoption because we thought we really wanted to start with an infant. so for about a year we walked the road to pursue and infant male. we had a few maybes along the way but nothing that stuck. it was just a lot of waiting. i'm pretty impatient and i began questioning God whether now was really the right time or not. we had said "yes" to whatever God wanted but i wasn't ready to say "yes" to all this waiting.

so in october 2009 we began searching hearts to see if we were really saying "yes" to WHATEVER God had for us and not just the "idea" we had in our head of how our family should start. once again God began tugging our heart strings and steering us towards foster/adoption. we didn't know a lot about it but began researching, contacting, and gathering as much information as possible. we were so excited to have something to do. we started in on the PATH class which all foster parents have to complete before pursuing any children. we completed the classes before christmas then hit a few road blocks. we were being told that the foster system didn't need us. just one more thing that made us doubt where God had us. but God...

God had a different plan. the wrong doors were being closed so the we would walk through the right open door. and that we did. we met an incredible case worker who has been walking with us step by step for the past 2 months. she introduced us to our soon-to-be fantastic 4. our family has been made up of only brian and i (and our dog jackson) for the past 4+ years and now in the next month we will be adding those fantastic 4 to our family. wow. isn't God awesome?!?!?! we never dreamed this is where we would end up but so grateful that God has brought us here. thankful and honored that he has invited us to join him in what he is already doing in these young men's lives. we feel blessed beyond belief to know them and have them in our home. it won't be all cupcakes and sunshine. the expectations and dreams i have had about what life would be like with kids has been surrendered to the Father. brian and i are jumping all in, dangerously surrendering, to whatever lies ahead, wherever God decides to take us from here. as some dear friends state all the time "we're trading in the ordinary for the the extraordinary!!!"

i surrender all

when you say those words out loud "i surrender all" what are you really meaning? so many of the songs we sing in church say bold things like "i surrender all" or "take my life at let it be all for you and for your glory". do we truly understand what saying that means? i think that so often we say we "surrender" to God but it's only what is right in front of us. or we say "take my life" when it means for something good. it's easy to worship God when times are good and when life is going pretty easy. but what about in those seasons that are harder than anything you imagined? what about those moments that are so disappointing that you find it hard to breathe? what if something horrible happened to someone you love? in those moments do we want to "surrender all" or ask God "your will be done"?

this morning we sang those songs with those words in them and i knew God was speaking directly to my heart. if i knew the hardships of following after God would i still have surrendered my life to him? if he asked me to go to the ends of the earth would i still ask him to use me? many times in my life i have boldly asked God to use me and move my heart. and you know what, HE DOES!!! when we surrender to him its for the good and the bad. when we tell him that our lives are his and for him to do with as he sees fit it sometimes is very painful and sometimes very sweet.

brian and i were preparing to attend our meeting tomorrow to learn more about the sibling group that we have been matched with but it has been postponed until further notice. we are incredibly disappointed. even though this doesn't mean they still aren't ours it just means more waiting and more speed bumps. we are continuing to trust God's leadership but i caught myself this morning from the thought of "God, if i would have known everything that we would have to go through i don't think i can do it." i stopped myself because i did, am, and will surrender all and i am asking God's will to be done.

keeping busy

this week just doesn't seem to be going by fast enough. i'm trying to fill all my time with something to do so i'm sitting and just waiting. i'm sure you've noticed that we are in the process of changing our design on our blog. i'm hoping it will be up by next week. it's crazy at the thought that this time next week we will know if our life will drastically change or no. we are anxious, excited, overwhelmed and completely freaked out. but we are completely trusting God to provide us with the discernment to make the right decision. we are believing that this is the road God has for us so if it is not we are praying for a divine NO! right now we are coming up with every question we can think of to ask at our meeting on monday. if you think of a great question we would love to know.

many of you have asked if this is to foster children or to adopt them. well in our state you have to foster for a certain amount of time before you can file for adoption. but we would foster with the intent on adopting these kids. when i look back on where we were when we started this entire adoption process it blows my mind where God has taken us and how we got here. we have been overwhelmed at the response of people praying for us and willing to support us as we turn our lives upside down. we could never tell each of you enough how thankful we are for you and how we would not be doing this without you.

divine delays

many of you have been anxiously and patiently waiting for news of what happened on thursday. we so greatly appreciate your prayers and patience.

on saturday i was talking with a sweet friend about our adoption process. we were talking about all that has happened in the past year and half that we have been on this journey. when we started this journey we expected it to be a much quicker process. her words to be were "divine delays". that's exactly what the past 1 1/2 years has been.

i'm so happy to tell you that after all the divine delays we have been MATCHED with a sibling group in our own state. next monday, jan 25, at 11am we will travel out of town to have a meeting with the kid's social workers to learn everything about the kids. after the meeting brian and i will take some time to pray and make sure this is what God wants for our family. just because we have been matched with them doesn't mean they are automatically ours. we still have to choose them.

this week is going to be a really long week as we wait for next monday to come. we are beyond excited and very freaked out at how quickly and drastically our life could change. we are so thankful for all the divine delays it has taken to get us here. it is so much bigger than we ever anticipated. we are now asking for divine clarity and peace as we make the decision to invite these children into our home.

tomorrow, tomorrow, please pray for tomorrow!

well this week has been full of excitement. on monday night we got an email from our social worker that she was coming to our house on tuesday (yesterday) to meet with us. YIKES!!! and YAY!!!!! we rushed to get the house in some sorts of order before she arrived.

yesterday we had the opportunity to have 2 ladies who work with different 3rd party adoption agency here in tennessee alongside DCS (department of children services). they were wonderful. we had a pleasant afternoon talking with them and sharing our hearts for adoption, kids, and the desire to open our home. they asked lots of questions and we asked lots of questions and we felt so calm. we knew that so many people were praying for that meeting and we felt it. your prayers were heard because even our dog jackson was wonderful. usually he doesn't like strangers coming over but he warmed right up to the 2 ladies. that was such a simple blessing that God gave but made such a huge impact.

now for the big prayer request and news. the ladies told us about a possible sibling group and they are meeting with the sibling group and their case worker tomorrow to see if we are a match!!!!!! wow, can you believe it? we could know something as early as tomorrow. it's pretty overwhelming. we aren't really sure what to think right now because we just have no idea. tomorrow they could decide that we don't match and then we see what else is out there or they could decide we do match and then we begin the process of how quickly can we get them in our home. it's like we are sitting on the edge of our seats not really sure weather to scream, shout, cry, laugh, freak out or what. so please PLEASE pray tomorrow for that meeting. pray that God would give divine clarity to everyone making that huge decision and that God would show them what is best for those kids. also, pray that God would prepare us for whatever the answer is whether good or bad.

i will update later this week when we here more news. i know y'all are sitting on the edge of your seats with us. we love and thank you for it!

parents as tender healers 6

this is the final entry for the "parents as tender healers". our class is finally complete and we have the certificate to prove it. saturday's class wasn't very exciting. we had the "resource parent's bill of rights" read to us. it just states that we have the right to know what is going on and have a fair say in situations we are involved in.

i really enjoyed the class and we met some pretty awesome people. i can't wait to hear where all their stories lead. we really connected with one couple who has 4 biological kids and and just became foster parents to a 17 year old girl. pretty awesome story that God is writing with their family. although, i'm sad not to see some of the people every saturday i am excited to continue on in this process. but of course everyone knows that for the next 2 weeks pretty much everything is shut down. we are waiting to hear back from several people in regards to our next step. just more road blocks and red tape. i'm in this place right now where everything in me believes that God will bring an end to this entire process and there will be children in our home. my prayer is that it would just happen in the coming months.

i hope you are not getting bored with our story. we so appreciate your patience to walk with us. we say it all the time that we couldn't walk any of this road with people interceding on our behalf. we are forever grateful.

Parents As Tender Healers Part 5

we were really excited to go to our class this morning. we had a panel of different workers within the department of children services. for a saturday morning we had several people on the panel. we spent about 2 hours listening as everyone described what they did and how their job worked within the system. it was really interesting all the people it takes to take care of one child. and while they were all talking you could hear how desperate they were for good resource parents.

brian and i had come with a list of questions we were anxious to ask. some questions were particularly related to our case and some were very generic but we felt were important. well after the 2 hours of listening to the panel and a few of us asking very general questions we took a break to get some breakfast. well as soon as everyone was done eating the panel said they were leaving. what? what about all our questions? we were a little upset that no one got to ask any of the questions we had all written down over the last week. it was a little frustrating to hear these people talk about how much they needed great resource parents however a few of the panel gave off the impression that this class was a waste of their time. ok, here is a room full of families anxious to be resources parents, who have given up there past 2 months of saturdays, and don't have to be here, and now you either make it impossible to become a resource parent or make it so unimportant in spite of how desperate you are for them. doesn't make any sense.

before we left we were able to pull one of the workers aside and ask a few of our specific questions related to our case. we were so happy that we got some positive feedback. which brings me to a huge HUGE prayer request. i'm sure you saw my blog earlier about having a few unfortunate events happen this week. well i (audra) was let go from my job last monday. we know God is in complete control and his timing is perfect. we have no idea how this will affect any of our adoption stuff. it could very well put everything on hold until i find another job. please pray for God's guidance and favor. pray that he will open the right doors. pray that he will open up something that i could do from home so i'm not having to switch jobs when the kids come. we're so anxious to move forward in this foster/adoption process and after today we know what our next step needs to be. we just need to be in a position where the state will approve us to take care of these kids. thank y'all for lifting us up during this time of unknown.

parents as tender healers 4

we're half way done with our PATH classes and we are more than excited. it's been so much fun spending time with other people with the same passion as we do. we've be able to connect with some pretty incredible people through this journey. we pray we will stay in touch for years to come.

yesterday we learned about disciplining children. discipline. how do you decide ahead of time how you are going to discipline your children? we had this same discussion before about a year ago when we had to answer several questions for our past homestudy about discipline. all i can say is that it will all depend on the child. each child will probably respond differently to different disciplines. so we will just have to wait and see.

we also talked about crisis. we've all been through different crisis in our lives. and if you've ever had a teenager then you probably experience a crisis every day. well the kids in the foster system have also experienced at least one if not several major crisis already in their lives. and as soon-to-be parents we recognize that crisis will happen and we will roll with them. i think brian and i make an excellent team when it comes to dealing with crisis. we are both very level headed and can make decisions in the midst of chaos. brian is very patient and i'm a "this is what happened and this is what we need to do" kind of person. it makes for a great team. i have no doubt that there will be things that are harder than others and we can't prepare for but we've got a HUGE God who can take care of anything.

over the past few weeks we have seen how much of a hold satan has on all these children in the foster system and around the world. it's true that he does have a will for their lives. and every time we hit a bump in the road someone will ask us "don't you think this is God's way of telling you that this isn't the road you should be taking." it's actually quite the opposite. with every bump we hit i believe God confirms to me more that we are exactly where we need to be. so many people would give up but these kids NEED someone to advocate and not give up on them. we will fight until we are blue in the face. we will not go down that easy. satan has no idea who he is messing with. we hope to have some more news to share in the coming weeks but for now we just appreciate your prayers.