day 105 - not a band-aid

i stand in amazement every day that this is the journey God has called us on. i have seen the works of the devil and the works of my Almighty Merciful Savior each and every day. i'm experiencing his new mercies and grace every morning. i'm learning that i cannot get through a day without putting on the armor of God. i'm learning to persevere for the long-haul.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

there is nothing easy or grand about the road we are walking. honestly, some days i just want to stay in bed. the negativity around my house is often more than i can bare. some days i see great progress and the next day we are back to square one. some moments can be so sweet and then quickly turn to nightmares.

after a really rough past few days i was reminded by a friend yesterday that we are not in this to be just a band-aid on these boy's lives. i don't want immediate progress if it means suffering later. i want to run the race that is before me with joy and perseverance. i want God to change the hearts of my children not just their attitudes or words. and i have to remind myself, it's only been a few months. a few months compared to the rest of their lives is nothing.

i want to be like caleb in the Bible and ask God for my mountain. i want to have the courage he had to persevere and bring glory to the Lord most high. i don't want to be someone who "lacks anything". my prayer is turning into "Lord, give me more of this if it means more of You!"