older child adoption || school

when adopting older children (especially when you either have zero kid or only younger kids) school is a huge adjustment. we all of a sudden had 3 kids in school the last 9 weeks of a school year. i had NO IDEA what was going on. that was a complete blur to me. and in just a few short months my oldest began middle school. i was faced with geometry, ridiculous vocabulary, and all this other school that i DID NOT remember! homework was a nightmare. my kids already felt like they failed for 7 hours at school that they hated to come home and work on homework for another 4 hours and fail at that. and yes, homework at one point was taking us 4 hours, even just a simple front and back worksheet. it was a nightmare. lots of meetings were held at the school with teachers, guidance counselors, and anyone else that could be involved. i am extremely thankful for public school because they are obligated to provide every resource your child will need. there was a point we just didn't do homework because it wasn't worth the fighting. but i think about half way through the school year i finally got the rhythm down. it was and is still a huge adjustment.

last year we were blessed because some friends and family purchased all our school supplies. this year i've been stocking up over the school year for most of the stuff we need. but we were still met with some obscure things on our middle schoolers (yes, i have 2 in middle school this year) like flash drives, scientific calculators, and office supplies for the teacher. it was extremely overwhelming last summer to look at those school supply lists and see everything that my kids needed. i can't even imagine buying school supplies for more than 3 at the moment. but God is good and provided and still provides everything we need. he has also supplied me with the patience needed to guide the boys through school. some things we've learned the hard way. i learned that i do not help my oldest out with homework. it's just not good for our relationship so brian works with him. and of course, brian is the most patient and amazing dad and husband you could ask for. plus he has the gift of teaching and more importantly he understands middle schoolers (may the Lord bless him abundantly for that!).

many people ask if i would consider homeschooling my kids. and of course i would say yes to whatever God asked me to do but currently we believe it is in every one's best interest that our boys attend public school. they love school and thrive on the structure and social environment that school provides. it is also good for them to have the separation from both me and each other (i also need that time away from them). it helps us enjoy the time we do spend together. we make it a point to sit down every night as a family for dinner and talk about our day. it is great bonding time for us. now again, this is what works for my family. it might not work next year or for our other kids or even your kids, but we just take it day by day.

older child adoption intro

one of the most frequent questions i get asked is what it is like to adopt older children. i will make this a series of post to answer a few questions. every adoption is different and my story won't be your story. but i feel a need to speak on behalf of the older children that are so often forgotten or unwanted. let's be honest, the majority of families looking to adopt are looking for that perfect little baby that will make all their dreams come true. unknowingly i was this person before we started our adoption journey but God changed my heart before he told us the time was now. we face this alot when we first started walking the adoption journey. we were only one of 2 couples out of 15 couples that were not adopting due to infertility. i've talked to several couples that want that child that looks like them and will be everything they have ever dreamed of in a child. and that isn't bad. a child's being adopted into a loving family and that is amazing. but what if there is more? what if it is not about making all MY dreams come true? what if i put myself in a situation that requires more of me than i could give on my own?

we were on the infant adoption journey for over a year before we switched to foster-adoption. when we started thinking about adoption we felt God tugging on our heart that adoption wasn't about completing our family or making all our dreams come true. if we were truly following God's lead in our adoption journey then we would go wherever he lead us no matter the result. at that time he lead us to foster adoption. the question that kept running through my head was "why would we continue to wait on an infant waiting list with hundreds of other couples when there are over 100,000 kids in the foster care system just waiting to be adopted?" we were open to whatever God had for us. "multiply there [in the city], and do not decrease. But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare” (Jeremiah 29:6-7). never in our wildest dreams would we have imagined him leading us to 4 amazing boys ages 2, 8, 9, and 12 at the time.

yes you can adopt older children through both international adoption and through the foster care system. i have experience with older children through the foster care system so that's what i'll write about. i've been that stereotypical person that assumed that older children in the foster care system meant they did something awful like stole something, went to jail, had a record of some sort, and failed miserably at school. wow, what a fool i was. most kids no matter the age enter the foster care system because of nothing that they did but because of their home situation. this doesn't make them "bad". but they do come broken just like we all do. people will often dismiss foster-adoption because of those kids that "might" be bad and it is too hard. well my question to them would be SO WHAT? does the "might" overpower the God that we serve? so what if they might be bad? so what if it might be hard and require more of you than you think you can give? if your own biological child did something wrong or "bad" would you toss them to the side? the Bible tells us over and over again that our obedience to Go is not based on the results or what other people will think or say of us. we don't adopt so a child will love us and be grateful that we "saved" them. why am i so often looking for life to be easy and comfortable. i'm going to believe God who says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13).

there are a lot of benefits to older child adoption: shorter wait, miss the baby stage and straight into sharing some of the same interests and kids that can already help around the house. however, bonding takes a lot of effort, it's a learn as you go process because every kid is different, they require more "un-teaching" before you can teach, and there can be a some catching up with educational stuff. going from 0 kids to having 3 in school was one of my biggest adjustments. it was hard to jump into a school system and do all the the stuff that is required with school age children (homework, teachers, field trips, fundraisers, sports, to name a few).

well that is it for this post. more to come soon. do not forget, that if you have questions you would like answered, send them my way. God bless!

martin luther king jr day

for years today has just been another holiday that i got off work. i have always appreciated what dr. king did for so many in our country and how he gave life to a dream. but this year today has a new meaning. without dr. king my family wouldn't be.

there is a book called "my borther martin" that i read with the boys all the time. it's written by dr. king's sister about their childhood together. it is a very special story to us. dr. king was just an ordinary boy with extraordinary dreams. he made himself available for God to use to make a difference. because dr. king believed that God could use him my kids can be my kids and they can have any dream they want.

it's hard to imagine that in the not so distant past our world was so different. my boys don't understand all the difference that have occurred over the years to provide them with equality. they do not see any boundaries to their future. they don't think our family is is strange because we are made up different races. they don't look at someone and only see the colour of their skin. i'm so very grateful to dr. king for allowing God to use him and not giving up. dr. king didn't get to see his dream come to fruition but because he had the dream it was able to happen. i pray every day that my boys will have dreams and walk towards them. i will encourage them every day to believe in themselves and that anything is possible. God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

day 243 - it does get better

it's hard to believe my fantastic 4 have been in my home for 8 months. sometimes it seems like we've had them for years and other times it feels like they just arrived. we've walked through some crazy stuff but i'm thankful to say we have come out the other side of a lot of it. this blog has been very therapeutic for me as i look back on our journey and see what God has held our hand through. and that is the beauty of our story. God really has walked us through some serious battles. he has claimed the victory every time. sometimes those battles take hours, others days, and some even weeks. i'm sure there are some battles we will be fighting for years. but nonetheless, God will reign victorious.

for many months our battles where very physical. there have been days not so far in our past were our house was a dangerous place to be. but Christ has delivered us through that danger. at times i questioned whether all 4 of my boys could actually live together and thrive in their future. so thankful God had a plan and he guided (and still guides) us each day. through past posts you know that i've wanted to give up several times. once again God moved my heart and reminded me to keep my eyes on him. and we continue to walk through it day after day.

battles are still fought every day some are small and some rock our world. but it has gotten so much better. i know without a doubt our family will not only survive but we will thrive together.

day 224

it's been forever since i've written and honestly it felt nice to take a little break. i haven't really been in a place to write anything positive lately so i felt i better not to write at all. but i am realizing that by not sharing i am giving the enemy a foothold to just stir with my emotions. and the scripture clearly tells us that that when things are brought to the light we can lay it all at the feet of Jesus and he will carry our burdens and give us wings like eagles.

i've been doing an amazing study on the book of Daniel for the past few months and it has been incredible. the miraculous things that happened, the divine wisdom that God poured on his servants, and the prophetic words have stirred my heart. at times it has made me angry because it is so much easier to see God working in other people than your own lives. i would so often sit there and read about all the miraculous things God did for Daniel and wonder why those things couldn't happen for me. i would read about the importance of fellowship and get frustrated because i felt so isolated. these are the lies of the enemy. he is turning what God means for goodness into his plan to take me out. and he doesn't want to just take me out but he wants to take out my family.

we are only a few weeks away from finalizing our adoption at satan has called in all his troops and they have set up camp in our living room. up until yesterday i didn't realize the war i was in. i really thought there was something wrong with me. i have been so easily aggravated by my kids, it feel like i can't do anything right or make anyone happy. i feel like every day is a "bad" day. and in my house if mom has a bad day all hell breaks loose. it's dangerous, destructive, and chaotic. so at times i feel like i can't have a bad day because no one can handle me not being on my game. but God continues to show me that i am not responsible for the way my children act most of the time and that i must continue to love them through the pain. i can't be perfect but i can fight for my kids and family.

unconditional love has taken on an entire new meaning over the past several months. it's not easy to love someone when they turn their back to you all day long, talk ugly to your face and behind your back, hit, kick, and whatever else you can thing of. to feel like you're fighting for someone who doesn't want to be fought for is exhausting. there are many times i want to just hide under by covers and let everyone fend for themselves. i probably take a time out for myself at least once a day. but i'm finding my encouragement in my Savior. just like he delivered Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego through the fire. i know he will deliver me and my family through this fiery season. even if our deliverance is into his hands. this battle is me advancing the kingdom. begging God to receive all the glory for what i know he will do through my family. it's going to be miraculous. it's going to add another "...but God" to the story of my life. it's going to be beautiful. moment by moment i'm holding on to that promise.

day 159 - respite

my biggest challenge with 4 kids is finding some alone time. that sounds really funny coming out of my mouth because i really don't like to be alone or rest for that matter but i've learned without it i will burn out. and when i'm burnt out ain't no body happy :)

this summer i was able to find some alone time whether it was just grocery shopping or a night away. a few weeks ago a few friend and i headed off for an overnight trip somewhere special. it was extremely spontaneous and incredibly needed. i admit that i was actually thrilled to get out of my house for 24 hours. it was a total recharge for me and it only took 24 hours. crazy. and even before we started heading back i looked at one of my friends and said "wow, i really miss my family. i'm ready to go home!" it was amazing to have the feeling of missing my kids. no matter how chaotic and crazy every day is i miss them when i'm not with them. i came back totally ready for the challenges ahead.

getting away with friends is incredible but the most incredible get away was with my awesome husband. my birthday was a few weeks ago and he surprised me with an overnight getaway. he had arranged for my parents to come watch the kids overnight so we could spend some time away. it was the first time we had left the kids overnight with anyone. but my parents are more than capable and the boys ADORE their gigi and grandpa. so early afternoon brian and i headed to chattanooga for the night. we stayed in an incredible bed and breakfast (that i highly recommend) and just enjoyed each other's company. we didn't do anything special but breathe really. we needed some time just to look each other in the face and say "hey, i remember you!".

i love my family and i don't want to miss anything. but catching your breath every now and then is important. i'm learning that if i don't take care of myself i'm not going to be able to take care of my family. when people ask if they can help i'm finally saying "yes, here is our need." we were never meant to do this alone. rest is good. alone time is good. time with my husband is needed. so now that it is almost midnight i'm going to get some sleep.

day 153 - transparency

trans·par·ent - [adjective] open; frank; candid

this word lays heavy on my heart. it's so much easier to write about the amazing things and share all the goodness with you. but i feel that defeats the purpose of this blog. i want to be a resource for others who are looking to adopt or foster whether internationally or domestically. and in order to be a good resource i need to be as transparent as possible. my prayer is that my journey will be an encouragement to you as you walk your own journey.

the past 2 months have been the hardest months of my entire life and i've walked through some pretty crazy stuff before. i cried more, fought harder, pleaded more, and fell on my knees before my heavenly Father more times than i can count. i knew that we would go through some major transition throughout the summer seeing as the boys and i would be home together ALL day long EVERY day but i never would have expected everything that happened. let's just say that almost every day was...a nightmare. please don't let that scare you. this is hard and dangerous stuff. i learned early on in the summer that i was walking in enemy territory when it came to my kids. the devil had a grip on them like i've never seen. there were days that i felt like i was literally fighting satan fist for fist. some days seemed unbearable. there was more anger raging through my house than i new how to fight. the negativity that flew from my children's lips broke my heart every day. there were nights were brian and i sat outside there door begging God to invade our house and our boy's hearts. there were mornings when we woke up saying "i don't want to get out of bed today." it's hard when you have to hold your child so tight so they will not hurt themselves or someone else. it's heart breaking to hear ugly words come out of your toddlers mouth as he storms off to his room hitting everything in his path. i ache when my boys can't be left alone for more than 10 seconds for fear what might happen. it's exhausting. and that's why i need a Savior. if i could do this on my own then i wouldn't need God but i love that our story can't be told with out having God in every sentence.

i was met everyday with what seemed impossible and everyday God made it possible. by his mercy and grace brian and i were able to end everyday thanking God for our family. He met us everyday where we were and walked with us. i started the summer thinking i was doing all of this for my kids. but over the course of the summer God taught me that i am not loving and raising my kids to help them (that is just an added benefit) but out of reverence for God. He has put me in a place that is dangerous, chaotic, ugly, at times unlovely, and what the world would call "unthinkable" but we are here by God's design.

thankfully with school everyone is separated and there is a little more peace in our house. my note to self for next summer is have lots of things planned and give everyone there own "thing" to do throughout the summer. too much time together is NOT a good thing. but we did have some incredible highs over the summer. the best thing being I, J, and Z all asked Christ into their heart. we are now working on teaching them to call on Jesus when satan comes knocking on their doors. the summer was not a loss. it was a learning experience. another hurdle that satan thought he could put in our path to get us to change our minds. he does that. he will tell you that you aren't supposed to do this, this is to hard, the kids would be better off somewhere else, or even that you don't want to do this. THEY ARE LIES!!! God would not have asked you to walk into something so difficult and so of Him to leave you in your time of need. that is not the God we serve. we have authority over satan and the only way he can touch us is if we give him room to move in. DON'T!!!! stay strong. ask for help. let people help you. surrender it all to the Lord!

 

day 131 - the reason

today was the day that God reminded me why we have chosen to live a dangerously surrendered life. the reason we are called to go and make disciples. today i got to watch my amazing husband, the new father of the fantastic 4 and godly man baptize my 3 oldest boys. the boys had all asked Jesus in the hearts weeks before and were ready to make that public. they were so excited about being baptized and the celebration that surrounded it. we invited everyone we knew to come and watch, rejoice, and praise God for the work he continues to do.

it was a celebration i will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life. family came from all over to witness this public declare that our boys fight for the Living Savior! friends yelled and cheered as each boy came out of the water. i cried tears of joy watching my boys and knowing their lives were surrendered to the King of Kings. no matter what evil comes knocking at my door, our door, or their door we can call on Jesus and he will rescue. this is why we are doing this. God chose to rescue our fantastic 4 out of the dust and make them into warriors for himself. and he asked brian and i to be a part of it. why would we ever want to miss out on something like that? this is so much bigger than us. i'm so thankful that God goes to the extreme to save his children.

as the service concluded the song i sing over my boys every night began to play:

you make beautiful things
you make beautiful things out of the dust
you make beautiful things
you make beautiful things out of us

you make me new
you are making me new

introducing the bailey bunch

the bailey bunch is finally all under one roof. there are 4 extra hearts to love, mouths to feed, bodies to hug, goodnights to say, and hands to hold. i LOVE it! we are all adjusting but i can't imagine my life any different at this moment. besides trying to stay on top of the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, homework, and a toddler who is already climbing out of his crib; i am fully enjoying the sweet prayers that are said around the dinner table, hearing them ask who is in their new family, listening to them tell me about their first day of school and the friends they met, and tucking them in each night.

J is my oldest in 5th grade. he is smart, kind, gentle, handsome, huge smile, eager to learn, has a desire to know the Lord, and growing into a young man. he loves to read, skateboard, hang out with friends, play football, and play chess with his brothers. he also enjoys his favorite snack beef jerky and is a little shy towards new foods. we are already seeing God begin to tug on his heart as he asks questions and seeks to know more about the Word of God.

T is our 4th grader. he is our passionate child falling at either one end of the spectrum or the other. there is no middle ground. he is also very smart, can be shy, very protective, also handsome, extremely funny, and can steal your heart in an instant he is enjoys basketball, the wii, beating everyone at any game we play, reading wimpy kids, riding his bike, playing outside with his brothers, and sleeping. his favorite snack is also beef jerky but this dude eats everything you put in front of him. he likes all the healthy stuff along with the sugar. he always makes me feel great about my cooking. i even cooked an african dish for them the other night and he couldn't get enough of it. he also already has a spot in his heart for his new grandparents. i can't wait to dig into his little heart some more and find who God has created him to be and help T build on his passions. i know God has an incredible plan for his future.

D is our 2nd grader and will be your instant best friend. he is goofy, fun-loving, easy going, always says "please" and "thank you", would vacuum the entire house if i let him, enjoys riding his scooter and bike, playing outside with his brothers, and playing every board game in the house. he loves his chili fritos but he is also an excellent eater. D, like T, would eat us out of house and home if we let them. he also loves to read and we are enjoying reading aloud together. he has already made several friends at school and even got to go on a field trip on his first day. he has a huge heart and wants to encourage. God is opening his eyes to new things every day and we are anxious to pour into D and help him to know the Lord in his own way.

our little I is going to be our little heart breaker. he is 2 and that is 2 with all sense of being 2. he started climbing out of his crib on his 3rd night home. and he is also pulling off his diaper. oh boy, so not ready for all that right now. little I loves to play hard, play with his older brothers, sing at the top of his lungs, find anything that makes noise, drink apple juice, eat yogurt, put everything in his mouth, and he is already becoming jackson's best friend. i am loving having him home all day while the older 3 are in school. i'm praying that God will use me as a vessel to teach little I and that God will mold him into a little warrior.

this is my new family. i love going to sleep at nigh knowing my family is safe and sound. i love waking up in the morning hearing them already up and playing in their rooms. i the big bear hugs that come before bedtime. i love being a mom. and this is the new and improved bailey bunch...at least in words.

domestic adoption

people ask me so often why we choose domestic adoption. quite honestly, domestic adoption chose us. we actually started with international adoption but once we decided that we really wanted as close to a newborn as possible, domestic adoption became the perfect choice. we have always knows we will adopt from all over so not going the international route didn't mean we would never adopt internationally, God just has us going a different way right now.

i also have people tell me all the time that we should be so lucky we chose domestic adoption because it is so much easier and safer. WHAT? how can you even compare the 2? it's like comparing pineapples to mangos. the only thing about them that is the same is that they are both fruits. there is no easier or safer from one to the other. i've walked and still walking with friend who have internationally adopted and i know that isn't easy or safe. but i've also walked with friend and i'm currently walking the domestic adoption road myself and i can tell you from experience that IT AIN'T EASY or SAFE! there is nothing easy about waiting and waiting and waiting and knowing your child is out there somewhere and trusting God to bring the right birthmother along to pick you. there is nothing easy about living life and then one day getting a phone call and your entire world changes in just a few hours. i'm not saying that i would want it any different and i'm so blessed to be walking this journey but it isn't easy. and i know that even once the baby comes it doesn't get easier.

with domestic adoption there is always the possibility of a relationship with the birthfamily. now, brian and i are praying that we can have a relationship with our child's brithfamily. we know people who have amazing relationships with their birthparents and ones who have not so good relationships. it can be messy. it can be wonderful. it can be time consuming. it can be inconvenient. it can be a tender. it can be tough. it can be so many things. i have no doubt that God will give our family the strength to walk down any of those paths but it might not always be safe or easy.

i don't think brian or i would ever do easy if it was starring us in the face. for some reason it always seems that what seems most likely and easy for others God has different plans for us. but i'm so grateful. i'm grateful and blessed to know that i serve a God who isn't in to making things easy but in to giving you His strength to walk through them. and that's why we chose domestic adoption this time.

WE'RE A WAITING FAMILY

about 15 minuets ago we received an email from our adoption agency. here is what the email said:

Hey Brian and Audra--

Your home study has been approved.....CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I will be sending you an approval letter from Tammy (the director) in the mail. You are now one of our "waiting" families. We will take every opportunity to show your profile when appropriate.

You have done a lot of hard work and now the difficult part now will be the waiting. So take this time to spend together to make memories and to work on the story you will tell your child of the adoption process that will be his story.

Blessings, Carolyn



so God's timing is perfect. now we are a waiting family and could actually have a baby any day now. i'm sure it will still be several months from now but it could be whenever. we are praying now that God will lay it on our babies birthmother's heart to choose us. we know God is already picked out our child so we pray that we will continue to wait for God to choose. please pray with us. this also means that we will need to have all our monies in ASAP. that's pretty crazy. this all is what i imagine it to feel like when a pregnant couple finds out they are pregnant for the very first time. i feel so excited, completely overwhelmed with emotion, and scared to death. thanks so much for your prayers. we prayed that it would happen last week and God knew we needed to wait until monday. we love y'all.

God is in control

this past week I have been looking back over the past almost year at just God's perfect timing. this time last year Brian and I were very much ready to start a family. we started praying that God would open up the doors. He started tugging on our heart strings. We thought we were ready for a family but as I look back I see that God was just preparing us for what was to come. here is a short list of what God has been doing to get us ready for this family that we thought we were ready for a year ago:

- in May of last year we joined an AMAZING small group at church
- in July we joined the Orphan Ministry at our church which is what God used to lead us to begin our family through adoption
- throughout the summer 3 of our friends found out they were pregnant (we now have 5 friends that are expecting and 1 just had their sweet baby girl about two weeks ago)
- in September we started the process of international adoption. met with out adoption agency and switched to Domestic Adoption so we could have a newborn for our first child
- in October because of God's favor we were able to get in the training class (we were supposed to be in the February one)
- Fall last year our jobs proved to be very supportive of our adopting and very flexible with our schedules to go to all our adoption meetings
- ever since October God has proved faithful to bring incredible friends and family along side of us to provide financially for this adoption.
- February we ordered baby furniture that should be in sometime in May
- March of this year waiting for our adoption approval with ONLY $4000 left to go!

God is just so good about his timing. it amazes me that he waited till we were surround by an amazing group of friends to walk with us on this journey. right now i am so emotionally torn about how to prepare for the arrival of our sweet baby boy. i so badly want to prepare for him to come really soon but I emotionally need to prepare for him to come sometime in December. God is certainly in the details. i feel completely confident that it's ok that i might not be completely prepared because i have an incredible group of friends who will be prepared for me. God has blessed us with friends that are also growing their families right now and we can just soak in all that information from them. we have an amazing church body that is filled with people joining in on our journey from a distance. people enjoy hearing our story and we love sharing it. God is even surprising us with how is providing for this adoption financially. i BELIEVE he will provide the last $4000 in the next two months.

we ask that you please pray that this approval process will go quickly and that we will be paired with a birthmom sooner rather than later. most of all please be in prayer for our baby boy as he is waiting in his mommy's womb. pray he stays healthy and that God will send his angels to surround him and him mommy during this time.

the letter and profile

tomorrow morning we have our very last meeting (we hope) with our agency before we are approved. we are so excited and so ready to be on the waiting end of things and bring our little boy home as soon as possible. one thing we have to bring with us tomorrow is a profile book. this profile book contains a letter from each of us to the birthfamily and 8 pages of pictures. this has been a very emotional journey putting this together. how in the world can you convey to someone everything that you are in one letter and a couple of pages of pictures. and how do you make yourself stand out above ALL the other waiting families. i'm trying not to stress myself out about it but i also don't want to take it lightly. for the past 2-3 weeks Brian and i have been putting picture together. we have pictures of family, friends, things we like to do, the house, the baby's room, and even jackson (our dog). and the scrapbooking queen in me wants to make it so creative but we have to make 5 copies of this profile and we have to be able to make a copy at a moments notice. so i can't really be that creative besides what we do on the computer. thankfully brian is super computer savy so he can make it look pretty cool.

the hardest part has been trying to write a letter to the brirth family but specifically to the birthmom. brian and i each have to write seperate letters because the agency told us it would be important to get a letter from the soon-to-be dad, which i completely agree with. but anyways i didn't realize how emotional it would be. i think i've written about 6 different drafts and finally last night i just needed it to be over with. in this letter we are supposed to encourage the mom in her decision and thank her for looking at our profile, share who we are, how brian and i met, what our relationship is like, what our family is like, is everyone excited about a baby coming, what do we like to do, what kind of parents do we want to be, what are our values, and so much more. and did i mention this all has to be in a 1 page letter? yeah, i might be able to fit it in to about 8 pages but not one. and then when i condense it down to one i feel like i am leaving out so much that i want her to know. and we've printed out some letters that other people have written and so many of them our the same. but how many ways can you say "thank you for reading my letter"? there just aren't that many ways. believe me i've thought long and hard about it.

well now i am finally finished with my letter. brian is still working on his but it should be finished tonight. our pictures are pretty much complete we just have to finish up a couple of the last pages. then tomorrow morning we have to wake up very early to run by kinkos to get copies made before we have to beat our appointment at 9:30am.

A few prayer requests:
-please pray that our letters will not be full of our own words but what God wants us to share.
-when a birthmother reads our letters that she is filled with peace and joy.
-brian and i would have peace about what we are presenting.
-our appointment tomorrow would be an amazing experience and we would be able to express exactly what God has laid on our hearts for our baby

Audra's Interview

i had my individual inteview this morning with our wonderful case worker (who has the same name as my lovely sister). the interview went really. our case worker is so sweet and easy to talk to. she really makes your feel at easy when sharing all this personal stuff about your life. i basically just had to talk about my personality, how other's see me, what my childhood was like, what my family traditions were, what kind of famiy traditions do i want to have, what our some milestones in my life, what is my relationship with my family now, what are each of them doing (yes family you are involved in all this too so watch out!), and what from my past has influenced my life and how. i felt great talking with her and i feel confident with the information that I gave her. after i left she was probably thinking i would be a crazy mom. she did ask me in the interview "you want alot of these kids don't you?" and i said "Oh Yeah!". she said she totally sees us with a large family and can't wait to help start adding to it.

so thank you to all who prayed. i felt your prayers. last week i felt so sick going into our couple's interview but today was such a breeze. i even woke up early, drove through traffic and just listened to some great worship music. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Thanks and i love each and every one of you!

finally some communication

i am happy to inform everyone that we FINALLY heard from our adoption agency today. i was so excited i could barely read the email. this was not an email about upcoming meetings or groups but this was specifically to us. It said "Dear Brian and Audra". how exciting. an email about our specific adoption. whoo hoo!!! it couldn't come at a better time.

the email said that everything is in and all the paperwork has been reviewed. someone will be contacting us next week (because this person is out of the office this week) about setting up our interviews and our home and safety visit. this is so exciting! i'm not exactly sure when our interview will be. we leave for vacation in chicago for the last week in january so i'm really praying that the interviews will be before we go (at least one of them). then the first week in february we are moving two houses down to a one story house so our home visit will have to be sometime after we move. then we just wait.

thank you so much for your prayers. we have been holding on to them like crazy. God has blessed us so much and we are so thankful that you are on this journey with us. please pray for us as we prepare for our interviews. this is when we basically share who we are. all this paperwork we've turned in now will be talked through. pray that God would give us words of wisdom as we share who we are and what kind of family we hope to be. please also be in prayer for the lady that will be giving us the interview. pray that she will come with the right questions and an open mind for us to share with her who we are. again, thank you for praying us through this process. we love you.

let the fun begin

Paperwork, paperwork, more paperwork, and oh some classes too. Today was our orientation meeting for the adoption process. The day began with various families telling their stories. So many different journeys were shared, all of which got us a bit more excited about the whole process. Then they handed us a big stack of paperwork. Wooooh! So over the next several weeks we will be loosing our sight while filling our various sheets of paper. Doctors visits, psychological exams, and they may even poke and prod us. But, yes we are so excited about the whole thing. I know it sounds strange to be excited about paperwork, but when the end result is a child who is loved by God you deal with it. So let the prayers fly; that we would be open and honest, it would not take long, we will be able to find doctors, our employers would be flexible in asking time off, and that we would have a smile on our faces during the whole process. We love you all and thank you in advance for being a part of our child's story, the one God has already written.

- brian and audra

Hurry...

well today we received an email from Bethany about another big online application we had to fill out and two forms that we have to send in. we thought our next step was to get an invitation to the class that starts on Friday, October 10 (yes that is only 4 days away). well i guess that there was a step we weren't told about. so we have to fill out this detailed application and send it in and then wait to get an invitation. i don't know that all of that can happen in four days. but i trust God's timing. as much as i am ready for all of this to start right now, maybe he is saying "wait". i'm so not good at waiting. so brian and i are trying to fill this out as quickly as possible so that we can hopefully get it all finished and still be able to attend the class that starts this Friday. please pray that we can get it all finished and that we get into this class on friday. and we might also need to start praying that even if we have to wait till february to begin the next step that we will have patience. yeah, if we don't get into the class/cycle that starts october 10 the next one isn't until february. i know that isn't a long time but it seems so far away. i'm believing that this is going to work out.

the first "waiting" period!

this is the part about this process that i don't like. the waiting. it's hurry to do this and then wait. and wait. and wait. right now we are waiting to hear if our adoption agency recieved our domestic adoption application and will provide us with an invitation to begin the next domestic adoption cycle that begins October 10, next Friday. so needless to say we are very anxious and the waiting is driving us nuts. and i know this wait is probably the shortest one of them all. if we don't get invited to the cycle that begins october 10 the next cycle starts in february. we really want to go ahead and start things now but we also trust that God has perfect timing. he has proven that over and over again to us. so, for all of you that no me i don't do very well with being patient. but thankfully i am married to the most patient man on the planet. so that helps. so pray that we get an invitation soon!

here we go!!!!!!

Ok, here we go. So after much prayer and conformation from friends and family, we have decided to adopt Domestically this first time around. Our need for a baby, being a part of the firsts, is so important to us with our first child. We have completed the preliminary application for domestic adoption and are waiting for the next step. In the office yesterday we were told that the next cycle for domestic adoption began October 10th. Yes, that is right around the corner. So you can imagine our thoughts and anxieties. Pray and pray often for us, we need lots right now. We will post daily as things change. See you again soon.

- brian

international or domestic?

Audra and I had our first meeting with Bethany Christian Services this morning. What a sweet time it was. Our questions were answered and questions were asked of us. The most important question was asked of us: When you envision your new family following the adoption process, what do you see? That is a question we had not asked ourselves. So that is where we stand. How do we answer that question? Well, here are our thoughts. We see ourselves with a newborn or as young as possible. We want to be a part of the firsts in this child's life. We want to instill our values and beliefs from the beginning. So how does that play into our initial thoughts of international adoption. Newborns are not an option, if only because of time constraints and waiting periods. 2 years or younger is the closest we would get. So that opens another door and another option. Domestic adoption, which has also been a desire of ours. We would continue to seek a child of race. It is unfortunate, but African American children are an option of last resort to adopting parents. They choose one of own race or bi-racial before they even think of a child of a different race. That saddens both Audra and I. So, is God leading us to adopt domestically? We ask for your prayers with this issue. We also ask for a quick conformation more than answer. The next cycle for the domestic process begins October 10th, just around the corner. Wow, how quick could this take place! We thank you again for your thoughts and prayers through this process. Keep an eye open for our decision and next step. We love you all.

- brian