Thursday, April 2, 2009

still waiting and figuring out what to do while waiting

once again we are waiting. waiting is getting harder and harder every day. four months ago we turned in our paperwork and it's been 4 weeks since we had our last meeting and our case worker started writing up our homestudy. i never would have thought it would take this long. and it still isn't finished yet. please pray that we would have continued patience because it is getting so disappointing to pray for something that seems to be forever away. i know God has perfect timing and i trust his perfect timing but right now my flesh is beginning to take over and i just want to scream. my baby is out there waiting for me!

i think i've hit this wall today that has made me so frustrated with the adoption process. there are so many kids out there that need to be adopted and its so dang hard and long. i mean don't get me wrong. i wont stop and i'll do it again but it's just taking so long.

and it's hard because adoption is not like being pregnant. i don't have a growing belly that shows my progress. i don't have a due date. i can't plan my maternity leave. i can't track how my baby is growing inside of me. i can't talk to my baby. i can't listen to my babies heart beat. i have no control over how my baby is developing. i have no control over anything right now and it is driving me nuts. i totally feel like there is club for moms or expecting mommies and i'm still not a part of that club. i'm still on the outside. i know i'm being really transparent here but i'm so frustrated with how long this taking that it all just comes pouring out.

i need something to do while we are waiting that is not baby related at all. anyone got any ideas?

1 comment:

Aaron and Rachel Kelly said...

Thanks for being so transparent, Audra. I'm so sorry this is taking so long and taking you guys on such an emotional roller coaster. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be an expecting mother but not know anything about when the baby is coming or be recognized as an expecting mother... We'll keep you in our prayers! In the meantime, want to come visit Guatemala? :)